


Sun and Rain and In Between

by starcass_miseryna



Category: Haikyuu!!
Genre: Angst, Childhood Friends, Fluff, Friends to Lovers, M/M, Time Skips
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-02-02
Updated: 2017-04-14
Packaged: 2018-09-21 14:55:53
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 11
Words: 6,620
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/9553607
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/starcass_miseryna/pseuds/starcass_miseryna
Summary: Tetsurou remembers it by the weather. He remembers by the wind and the clouds in the sky, the sun beaming down and the moon glowing white, the rain that is both like laughter and tears. He remembers how he fell in love with his best friend, the way the seasons change, slowly then suddenly at once.That love stays burned into his mind by those precisely fitting fragments, the sun and the rain and everything else between.





	1. Part I

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> i do ship this. i am sorry.
> 
> this started out as a project trying out this style of writing? it was just supposed to be a 2k drabble, but i decided that i liked it and it's now 11 parts
> 
> thanks to my beta @Theholyflamingoisdead03 for helping me with all my fics and ideas

    i.

              It’s summer when they first meet.

 

              The lazy part, where people bask in having to do nothing and having nothing to do. Where most avoided the beating sun and the stuffy air outside, preferring to stay at home, fans on, cold drinks in hand. Even the most energetic of children are affected by the sluggishness of everyone around them, and embrace their boredom.

              Most of them, but not all.

              Tetsurou loves the summer. He loves the escape, having all his time to himself. He loves being able to do what he wants without having to worry about school or whatever else he needs to prioritize. And he loves the sun, the open sky, the world outside his apartment. While his family and friends content themselves to that laziness, he wants to do more.

              At ten years old, he’s deemed responsible enough to take his own trips to the nearby parks. Sometimes he brings Kenma along, but his friend seems to hate summer as much as Tetsurou loves it. Tetsurou plays volleyball now, but more often than not, there’s no one else to play with him.

              Today he goes to the park on his own. He plays by himself for a little bit, but it’s no fun. He’s about to head back home when a boy with silvery hair walks up to the tiny court, holding his own volleyball.

              _You play too?_ Tetsurou asks.

              The other boy smiles, showing a gap in his front teeth. He has funny eyes, Tetsurou thinks. They look like an owl’s, almost.

              _Yep! I’m pretty good, too!_

              Tetsurou frowns. _Let’s see about that. One-on-one? Double hits?_

              The other boy shrugs. He sets down his ball under a tree and gets into a receiving position.

              _Service!_ Tetsurou announces, and hits the ball underhanded. He aims for the far end of the court, hoping for a service ace. But the other boy moves faster than the ball and get right under it. It flies up, toward the net, and he runs after it.

              Tetsurou realizes he’s about to spike and jumps up to block, ready to shut it out. The net’s low, easier for the kids who frequent the park to play at, so he clears it fine.

              But the other boy has amazing power and smashes the volleyball right through Tetsurou’s arms.

              _Told you I was good._ He grins. _I’m gonna be a top ace one day! What position are you?_

 _Blocker. Guess I better work on it more, huh?_ Tetsurou shakes his head. _Anyways, that was amazing! I bet I could improve just by practicing with you._

 _You need it!_ The other boy sticks out his tongue, ducking as Tetsurou whips the ball at his head. _What’s your name? I’m Bokuto Koutarou._

 _Kuroo Tetsurou,_ he replies. _Can we please practice some more? I want to play for my school in real games and win._

 _Me too, but my friends never want to play seriously!_ Koutarou complains. He serves.

              _An overhand?_ Tetsurou has never received one before. He dives and gets under the ball, sending it flying straight up. Smirking, he chases after it, and spikes it back at Koutarou. It hits his block, but goes out.

              _That receive was so cool!_ Koutarou exclaims. He runs hands through his grey hair, golden eyes shining.

              _Thanks, but that serve? Please teach me!_

They play for another two, three hours, before the sky darkens and rain begins to fall. The boys run to shelter under a tree. Koutarou pouts, and it makes Tetsurou smile, not in a mean way, just at the endearing childishness of the expression.

              _Kou-kun!_ A voice calls. A woman runs into the park from across the street, She holds out an umbrella, patterned with owls, it looks like, in the direction of the tree. _We can’t stay out in this nasty weather. Time to go home!_

 _Aww, Okaa-san._ Koutarou reluctantly picks up his ball and dashes towards his mother. He glances back at the boy seated on the roots of a tree, and waves.

              _I’m going to be here tomorrow at the same time, so can you come too? I had a lot of fun playing with you. Maybe we can be friends!_

Tetsurou, despite his popularity at school, can only truly call Kenma his friend. He’s perfectly content with that, and almost doesn’t want other people to hang around with.

              But there’s something about this boy, who played him as an equal for three hours, that makes him want to.

              _OK! I’ll see you tomorrow then, Koutarou!_

Even though he has to walk home in the rain, even though his precious volleyball is now incredibly beat up, Tetsurou walks home with a grin on his face and a sparkle in his eye.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> i do like this story
> 
> @ my readers, concerning my other fics: rn i'm having some trouble with Some Kind Of Misunderstanding, but i'll have another chap up by the 15th, i promise
> 
> also: this was not the other fic i mentioned in SKoM, that's a work in progress but tbh it's really hard to write? so (if you actually care) it'll probably only have one chap written by march? also i'm a terufuta rarepairer with a 20 point list of otp prompts so i might write one for them (i'm weak for next gen captains)


	2. Part II

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> yeah so this fic was originally just gonna be one story (one chap i mean) in 13 parts but i'm not done them all yet and i decided to just post the ones i already have, so the whole thing is going to be one story of 13 chaps now sadly

              They play each other for the first time in high school, Nekoma vs. Fukurodani, on a sunlit spring day.

 

              In middle school, Tetsurou makes it onto the volleyball team with no trouble. Koutarou phones him as soon as he gets home, and announces he did too. They look forward to an official game, full teams to realize the practices they played in the park.

              But over three years, their teams never play once in a tournament match. They’re always in different blocks, and somehow they can’t manage to get far enough to play. After the third time his team gets crushed before the make it out of the final sixteen, Koutarou confesses he wants to quit. _My team is holding me back._

              Tetsurou used to think it was selfish, but he knows it’s true. The less-than-ordinary other boys who play with Koutarou refuse to let him do what he wants. His regular setter despises him, and won’t toss unless it’s the last possible chance. His best friend is the reserve setter, but the team hates Akaashi almost as much as they hate Koutarou.

_Don’t quit volleyball, Kou. You’ll be on a great team in high school, and we’ll play the best matches ever. We’ll go to nationals and crush the best in the country. You and me, Kou. We’ll hold on and make up for all those losses next year._

_I’ll wait for that._

 

              And they do.

 

              After middle school, they end up going to different high schools, but the cats and the owls are rival schools and play lots of practice matches.

              It’s almost unbearably hot the day they play their first. Tetsurou ignores the temperature in favor of excitement, but he still remembers it by the vicious sun.

              He admires the sleek, modern buildings and the green spaces of Fukurodani Academy, students milling around and chatting. As the Nekoma team walks into the gym, a whirlwind of black, white and gold tackles him enthusiastically.

               _Hey hey hey, long time no see, Tetsu! We’re both regulars, right? I look forward to crushing you in the match today!_ Tetsurou elbows his friend and smirks at him. _Not if we crush you first, Kou._

The captains shake hands, and Tetsurou walks back to his team. He winks at Koutarou. _Let’s play a good game, OK?_

_Wouldn’t have it any other way._

 

It’s a good match. Fukurodani wins by three points in the third set, and there aren’t any hard feelings between the teams. Koutarou has free rein on this team, and had scored a third of all the points. Tetsurou blocks a fair amount of his friend’s spikes, and his personal time attack, meticulously practiced with Kenma, is one of Nekoma’s strongest offensive plays.

              _Hey, Kou, we haven’t really hung out in a while. Are you doing anything this weekend?_ Tetsurou asks his friend after the game.

              He groans. _I have to study with Akaashi. He’s still in middle school, but he’s much better at school than me. Maybe in a couple of weeks?_

_OK cool! See you around, Kou. And we won’t lose next time._

They both laugh. The sun’s beating down fiercely, and Tetsurou steals a drink from his friend’s water bottle.

              _Ew, Tetsu, that’s an indirect kiss!_ Koutarou screeches.

              Tetsurou grins.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> if you haven't, you should probably go read my beta @Theholyflamingoisdead03's fics because they are like crazy good??? so far???? and there's even more to come?


	3. Part III

    iii.

              The sky’s grey and cloudy the day they skip school to meet up.

 

              Tetsurou’s phone bleeps during his lunch break. He frowns. Most people just call him, and all his friends are currently eating with him. It bleeps again, and he pulls it out of his pocket, curious.

 

              hootarou : _hey hey, tetsu!!!! wanna skip? im at ur school rn bc im bored w/ classsss_

hootarou: _lets get ramen im hungry_

 

              tetsu-neko: _kou arent u gonna get in trouble_

 

hootarou: _nah_

hootarou: _i told the teacher i was sick n going home_

hootarou: _so_

hootarou: _;)))))_

 

tetsu-neko: _enh_

tetsu-neko: _what the heck lets do it_

tetsu-neko: _b there in 5_

 

              hootarou: _great!!!!!!!_

 

              Tetsurou puts his phone back in his pocket. His friends are chatting animatedly about some girls, so he takes the opportunity to leave. He leaves a note on the table explaining that he feels sick and is going home, in case any of the teachers need to know.

              Outside the gate, Koutarou is nowhere to be seen. Tetsurou rolls his eyes and is about to walk back into the school when a hand reaches over his face from behind, and accidentally pokes him in the eye.

              _Ow! Kou, that hurts!_

His friend releases him and smiles. _Sorry, sorry! Ready to go?_

Tetsurou tries to scowl, but he can’t keep the excitement out of his eyes.

              Though it’s still warm and dry, the dark clouds above them give an ominous sign of rain, so they hurry to Koutarou’s favorite ramen restaurant. It’s not particularly big or fancy, but it’s family-owned and feels welcoming. The waiter sits them down at a table and hands them menus.

              _What are you getting?_ Tetsurou asks.

              _I gotta check my wallet._ Koutarou reaches into his pocket and frowns. _That’s funny. I don’t have it._

              _I don’t mind paying, but I only brought 1000 yen. So we’ll have to share a large bowl, if that’s OK with you?_

  Koutarou’s face breaks into a huge grin. _You’re the best, Tetsu! I’ll pay you back tomorrow._

Tetsurou waves his hand. _Don’t even worry about it._

It’s almost a miracle that it still doesn’t rain when they walk home together.


	4. Part IV

    iv.

              Tetsurou supposes he always knew why being friends with Koutarou felt different. But it’s midwinter of his 16th year, staring out his bedroom window in the middle of the night at the snowflakes floating slowly towards the ground, that he realizes what he feels is more than friendship.

 

              He wakes up from a nightmare, heart pounding, flashes of it still echoing in his mind.

              _tetsu, wait for me!_

_tetsu?_

_tetsu, why are you hiding from me?_

Tetsurou can hear the hurt and confusion in his friend’s voice. He hates what he says next, what he always says.

_stay away from me, bokuto._

_tetsu, what’s wrong? we never call each other by our family names, remember?_

_just go away! i don’t want to see you again. ever!_

_i_ ― _i don’t understand. i thought we were best friends. you promised!_

_some promises are meant to be broken. so just go away!_

_but tetsu_ ―

              _tetsu_ ―

              His dream self whirls around, and there’s pure fury in his tone. But his eyes are full of pain.

              _i love you, kou. i love you, and that’s why we can’t be friends._

His friend immediately takes a step back, disgust rapidly taking over the concern on his face.

_because boys can’t fall in love with other boys. so that makes me a monster._

_yes. it does. and monsters have no place here._

Dream Koutarou turns and walks away. The ground underneath Tetsurou’s feet dissipates, and he falls into blackness.

              _goodbye, tetsu._

 

              Tetsurou’s been having these dreams, over and over again, but he never remembers them until he falls asleep. But this time, he remembers it.

              _i love you, kou._

              It’s just a dream, right?

              _i love you, and that’s why we can’t be friends._

Maybe.

              That’s doesn’t make it a lie.

 

              He has always felt like this. There was always a part of him that knew it. It just doesn’t want to keep it a secret anymore. Tetsurou cries as it all comes out, all the moments and flashes, spent with his best friend, burned together in a mess of love and pain.

              Even though Tetsurou’s whole world has come crashing down on him, the snowflakes just keep on falling.

              Uncaring.

              Detached.

              Cold.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> i'm sorry i was listening to sad music
> 
> blame imagine dragons not me


	5. Part V

 

    v.

              It’s sunny again, all pulsing heat and searing wind when the first training camp of their second year starts.

 

              Tetsurou has had a while to reflect on his emotions, and he knows how to hide them now. Koutarou has never shown any signs of feeling like him.

              As torturous as it is now, his friendship is not something he wants to run away from.

              This year, Nekoma is hosting the camp. Shinzen and Ubugawa have already arrived, but Fukurodani is running late, and won’t be here for another hour. Good. He has extra time to compose himself.

              He’s still nervous, though.

               _Kuro, you’ll be fine._ Kenma, playing setter this year, is the only one Tetsurou has told the truth to.

              He laughs, and it’s not even bitter.

 

              _The two boys lie next to each other in the grass, staring up at the night sky. Koutarou watches the stars. Tetsurou watches him. The silence is comfortable, but he doesn’t mind it when Koutarou’s voice cuts through it._

_Hey, Tetsu, do you believe in true love?_

_Yeah, I guess._

_What do you think your true love is gonna be like?_

_He frowns._

_Why the sudden philosophical-ness?_

_Bro, that isn’t a word._

_Tetsurou rolls his eyes._

_You know what I mean, stupid._

_The other boy looks pensive._

_I guess I just thought this would be such a romantic date, you know?_

_Tetsurou’s heart skips a beat. Does his friend mean_ ―

_Um, with my true love, obviously. No homo, bro._

_He forces a chuckle._

_Yeah._

_They stay quiet for a bit. Tetsurou’s mind is racing, and he doesn’t like where it’s going._

_I guess they’d be funny. Alway able to make me laugh, you know? An outgoing, not-a-care-in-the-world, no-time-for-regrets kind of person. Someone who is really just full of life. They radiate it, and that would block out all the bad things._

_That’s what pulled him in, anyway. Just how_ alive _Bokuto Koutarou is._

_What?_

_Um. My so-called true love?_

_Oh._

_Koutarou looks confused._

_Did you say ‘them’? Don’t you mean ‘her’?_

_Tetsurou feels his pulse pick up._

_Bro, I have something I need to tell you_ ―

 _I_ ― _I like girls―_

                   _But I like b-boys, too._

_The other boy doesn’t say anything for a few awful moments. But then he looks Tetsurou in the eye._

_Me too, he whispers._

 

              Tetsurou snorts. The second and first years from Nekoma and Fukurodani are gathered in the second gym, air conditioning turned up full blast to cmbat the summer heat. Koutarou continues on with his ridiculous story―Tetsurou can’t believe he was actually stalked by an owl while walking home from school―as his teammates wipe their eyes. They are the only team who hasn’t taken any penalties today.

              He makes it a goal to crush Fukurodani tomorrow.

              Kenma looks vaguely uncomfortable as the topic turns to the boy’s sexualities. Tetsurou knows Kenma still has trouble accepting himself, and can’t blame his friend. He understands.

               _Yo, Kuroo, what team do you play for?_ Yaku, Nekoma’s libero, asks.

               _I’m a double agent._ He wiggles his eyebrows. More laughter.

              Koutarou claps his hands. _Speaking of our combined gayness, I have an announcement to make._

The boys turn their attention to him. Sitting next to him, Akaashi Keiji, Fukurodani’s new setter and Bokuto’s oldest friend, is flushing furiously. Tetsurou frowns a little. Is Koutarou about to say something embarrassing?

               _Keiji and I are dating!_

Amid catcalls and a few _“About time!”s_ and _“You two are so cute!”s_ and _“We saw that coming a mile away!”s,_ with the couple grinning happily, flushed cheeks and arms around each other, there’s a boy with black bedhead who feels everything collapse on him, again.

              He forces a grin and pats his friend on the back heartily, offering congratulations to a brightly smiling Keiji. Kenma meets his eyes, and jerks his head, gesturing towards the door.

               _Look, bro, this is great, but I forgot I have some―_ Tetsurou frantically searches for an excuse― _pills? Yeah, I need to take some pills at lunch every day, and I totally forgot, what with training camp starting and all! Anyway, I gotta go? See ya soon!_

He lets his tears fall as soon as he walks outside. Hiding behind a clump of bushes, he cries freely, the sound of cicadas droning as some kind of twisted music in the background.

              The sun has set, but the heat still burns.


	6. Part VI

    vi.

              It’s unfair, really, to feel jealousy towards Keiji. First and foremost, Tetsurou is Koutarou’s friend. And friends support. Right?

              Normally Tetsurou loves the summer, but today he just hates it.

 

               _hey tetsu_

_i haven’t seen you around_

_where are you_

_i miss you_

_why don’t you miss me?_

 

              He tries, he does try, to ignore the voices in his head. But they just buzz around like flies, and he can’t shake them off.

              Somehow, the flies sound too much like a certain silver-haired, golden-eyed spiker, the one voice he can never manage to escape.

              Groups of flies, of course, are thickest around corpses. The wounded, the lost, the sick.

              Tetsurou supposes that makes him dead.

              Not that it’s anything new. Being friends with Bokuto Koutarou has always been something like a rollercoaster, with exhilarating highs like nothing else and the slow points only leaving him antsy for more. Falling for him was a little like taking off the seatbelt; pumping adrenaline and thrilling despite the obvious danger. It was only a matter of time before he was thrown from the car onto the harsh ground below.

              Summer is rollercoaster season, amusement parks and heat and sun.

              Normally Tetsurou would be out there with them, laughing with his friends at the carnival. But he’s been long rid of a seatbelt, and this time, he falls.

 

               _hey tetsu_

_i’m waiting_

_for you_

_for an answer_

_please?_

 

               _Shut up!_ He yells. The house is empty and Tetsurou is so alone.

               _Shut the hell up!_ There isn’t anyone around who hears, who knows, who cares, about his agony. He presses his hands to his ears and screams until his voice cracks, and then he just falls down and cries.

               _Shut up._

It’s not fair. _Life isn’t fair._

It isn’t Koutarou’s fault, or Keiji's, or anyone else, really. _It’s my fault for breaking the rules._

 _I’ve never thought about it until now,_ he muses, _but those who break their bodies? Well, I suppose it’s just the outside, at first. But if the shell is dead, it’s only a matter of time before the inside starts to rot, too. Trapped inside a mind, well, what kind of punishment is worse than that?_

_I don’t know if I wanted this love, or if it just hit me like it did, but I’ve fallen now._

_I’ve fallen and I’m broken._

_And why bother to even stay, if I can’t be fixed?_

He doesn’t mean to talk to the flies, buzzing around in the hazy heat. He’s dead. Flies don’t understand, don’t _care_ about the concerns of the dead. That’s what he is, now, just another nameless corpse torn apart by the monster called Love.

              And the dead have no voices.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> mwahahahaha
> 
> i don't mean to do this kind of stuff the heartbreak just kinda,,, happens,,,,,
> 
> whoops


	7. Part VII

    vii. 

              The wind presses into Tetsurou, eagerly zooming around him, urging him to play. But right now it only reminds him too much of Koutarou.

              Tetsurou always despised laziness, but he supposes that there are reasons for doing nothing. He doesn’t want to do anything, and the stupid wind can leave him alone.

              Of course, as his second year of high school draws to an end, yet another volleyball camp approaches.  _ You can’t hide from the world forever, Kuro, _ Kenma chides.

_ Oh, just watch me. _

              He laughs hollowly. It’s been too long since he’s let any mirth into his voice, really, any emotion other than that  _ nothing _ that Kenma has grown to despise.

              The shell walking next him is not even a shadow of his friend.

              The wind blows around them as they continue to walk through the park, not saying anything to each other, not really needing to.

              Once upon a time, this might have been a comfortable silence.

              Once upon a time, Tetsurou would be the one dragging Kenma along for a stroll.

              Once upon a time, the wind was their friend.

              Once upon a time, Tetsurou really laughed.

              Once upon a time, Tetsurou loved.

              He didn’t anymore.

 

              The wind laughs.

__

_               It’s just one boy, Kuro,  _ Kenma wants to scream.  _ Just one time. You need to put yourself back together. You’re only 16, for God’s sake. What about the rest of your life? _

_               What about your family, your friends, your teammates? What about volleyball? You’ve had your heart broken once, but it’s time to move on. Maybe he didn’t love you, but there are so many more people who do. _

_               What about me? _

__ Kenma wants to say it all, he wants to rip these words from his lungs and hurl them at Tetsurou until his throat aches and the other boy finally becomes himself again.

              But Kenma has seen what a broken heart looks like, and he is afraid.

_ What if I loved you? What if your pain is something I know, too? What if it’s more than yours? _

_               You don’t love someone who is broken. _

_               What if― _

__ These thoughts are dangerous, and he locks them away.

              Next to him, Tetsurou still says nothing.

 

              The wind laughs.

 

              At the house, Kenma helps his friend pack for the camp.

_ Stay away from Fukurodani, OK? If you play with wounds, they only open further. You’re already refusing to it heal properly. And it’s only a matter of time until infection sets in. _

_               I’ve been sick for a long time, Kenma. I don’t even know if there’s a cure. _

__ Tetsurou turns away.

              Kenma grabs his hand, pulling him to face him.  _ Don’t give up hope. _

__ It’s that laugh again, the one without any feeling, the laugh that drips with hollowness.

_ I can’t give up hope if there was never any in the first place. _

__ Kenma thinks that he doesn’t know who Tetsurou is anymore. He feels a sudden spike in hatred, towards the spiker who made him like this, towards the setter who took his place, towards Tetsurou himself for letting the knives hit this deep.

              Towards himself, for not being able to fix him.

  
              The wind laughs.


	8. Part VIII

    viii.

              Today the sky is the same hazy gold as Koutarou’s eyes. It almost laughs at Tetsurou, and he can’t find it in himself to resent it. The various buses drive away, and the sky just reflects off their windows, shining, and the sun sets. Too fast, the last training camp is over.

              Kenma had made something up, some rumour that pitted Fukurodani and Nekoma against each other, some reason for the teams to avoid each other. Tetsurou was grateful, but he knows that the distance isn’t far enough to be safe.

              Koutarou had still tried to speak to him, not knowing the extent of the cracks between them. Eventually, he gave up, choosing to spend time with Keiji instead.

              At least now they wouldn’t have to speak.

              There are miles between them, so many excuses to not call, now that volleyball season is over.

              While Tetsurou misses it, the easy familiarity of his friendship before everything happened, he knows it’s better to just leave it behind.

              That’s what he tells himself, anyway.

 

              [14/11/20-- 10:35 am]

              [Read 14/11/20-- 10:35 am]

              hootarou: _hey tetsu, it’s been a while, what’s up?_

hootarou: _i know we haven’t talked in while, sorry_

hootarou: _i’m not neglecting ya for keiji, i hope_

hootarou: _welp gotta go_

hootarou: _text back when you’re on, k?_

 

[15/11/20--, 2:17 pm]

              [Read 15/11/20-- 2:17 pm]

              hootarou: _hey_

hootarou: _today i went to that ramen place you like_

hootarou: _didn’t see ya there, but maybe we can go and hang out sometime_

hootarou: _come on i’ll treat_

hootarou: _i won’t bring keiji if that makes you feel awkward_

hootarou: _just the two of us, like back in the day, eh?_

 

[17/11/20-- 8:43 am]

              [Read 18/11/20 10:07 am]

              hootarou: _hey happy birthday bro, you finally caught up to me_

hootarou: _you having a party? or if not, are you busy this weekend?_

hootarou: _i know we aren’t really talking, and i’m still not quite sure why, but_

hootarou: _i miss you_

hootarou: _so i dunno, call me back or something_

 hootarou: _well anyway i just wanted to welcome you to being 17_

 

[24/11/20-- 7:22 pm]

              [Read 26/11/20-- 6:31 am]

hootarou: _it’s been a week since i last texted, sorry_

hootarou: _but i figured you wouldn’t notice anyway_

hootarou: _seriously dude can we talk? I really liked being your friend and i don’t know why we aren’t anymore_

 

[27/11/20-- 12:30]

              [You changed hootarou’s contact name to Bokuto Koutarou. Click here to undo action.]

 

[25/12/20-- 7:49 am]

              [Read 2/01/20-- 4:10 am]

              Bokuto Koutarou: _merry christmas_

Bokuto Koutarou: _dunno if you got my present or no, but i hope you like it if you did_

 

[1/01/20-- 2:57 pm]

              [Read 11/01/20-- 11:36 am]

Bokuto Koutarou: _happy new year_

 

[12/01/20-- 12:04 am]

[Read 27/02/20-- 3:28 pm]

              Bokuto Koutarou: _volleyball season starts soon, i can’t wait_

Bokuto Koutarou: _i’m captain this year, bet you are too_

Bokuto Koutarou: _let’s play cats vs owls at nationals, yeah?_

Bokuto Koutarou: _well, see ya at the next training camp_

 

[2/03/20-- 1:06 pm]

              [You removed Bokuto Koutarou from your contacts. Click here to undo action.]

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> about any and/or every fanfic i write: fUCKIGN WRITER'S BLOCK
> 
> i HAVEN'T UPDATED MY OTHER FIC IN A MONTH BC I HAVE
> 
> N O
> 
> I D E A S
> 
> sorry readers i need inspiration and quite possibly a Will To Live™


	9. Part IX

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> don't blame me i've been binging disney princesses ok

     ix.  
               Tetsurou’s first training camp as a third year begins with a bright blue sky, streaked across with mares’ tails, the opposite of last year’s end. It seems to smile at him somehow, gifting him with the sense of new beginnings and possibilities.

                _What a lie._

               The camp is at Shinzen this time. _Neutral territory,_ Tetsurou muses. Beside him, Kenma lets out a snort, as if his friend can read his thoughts. Knowing Kenma, he probably can.

               Once again, Fukurodani is the last school to arrive. But their first game is against Nekoma.

               Koutarou waves at Tetsurou. He pointedly ignores him, despite the pang in his chest.

               Wisps of cirrus trail across the sun, and Tetsurou feels like his own heart is made of ice.

               Ice is too _cold_ , he thinks.

               Koutarou stiffens and turns away, walking into the gym, those stupid kneepads flashing in his vision even after their owner has disappeared.

               Tetsurou is too _cold_.

 

               The match is awful. Koutarou is angry and smashes ball after ball with brutal ferocity onto Nekoma’s side. He won’t talk to anyone about why, but his team wisely stays away.

               Tetsurou knows it’s his fault. He wants to go over to apologize, beg forgiveness for ignoring him, shutting him out, wants to have him back as a friend. Cutting himself off from Koutarou completely has proven to be nothing but a failure.

               He wants to, but he doesn’t.

               He stays away instead.

                _Why the fuck are you pretending I don’t exist?_ Koutarou shouts. He hits the wall next to Tetsurou’s head. He flinches.  _What did I do to break our friendship?_

             _It’s not—_

_Why won’t you talk to me?_

_I don’t want to— It’s—_

_It’s_ what _, exactly?_ He hisses.

               Tetsurou closes his eyes, leaning away. _It’s not your business._

                _Of course it’s my fucking business! My best bro is treating me like the past, what, seven? Like seven goddamn years haven’t happened!_

               _I don’t want to talk about it—_

                _Clearly_ you _don’t! But_ I _do!_ Koutarou is furious. Some of the other boys are starting to stare at them.

                _It’s probably best if you just go._

                _What do you—_

                _Just_ go _, Bokuto._

               It’s the name that gets him, finally. He splutters angrily, and Tetsurou walks away.

               Koutarou makes no move to stop him.

 

                _It’s like you’re Elsa_ , Kenma comments dryly, when Tetsurou tells him about it. _It’s fuckin’ Frozen._

                _No kidding, yeah?_ Tetsurou responds. He feels like Anna, though, ice in his heart, with only true love to save him. But he doesn’t have that.

                _Oh, Tetsu, if only someone loved you_ , he sings to himself.

 

               Far up above, late when no one is watching, the cirrus clouds start to dissipate, and the ice starts to evaporate.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> for those of you who don't know, cirrus clouds are made of ice crystals bc they are formed high up in the atmosphere where it is v cold
> 
> anyways: ok that's it y'all the heartbreak ends next chap you get to see ur boys happy and together (the dorks)


	10. Part X

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> —and i think, this is the beginning of our forever—

    x.

              Tetsurou thinks that he hates the rain.

              Because it’s so wretched and damp and awful, and he needs something to blame, needs something to be angry at, a distraction from how he had treated his best friend.

              Kuroo Tetsurou isn’t a good person, is he?

 

              He hates the rain, but he hates himself, too; so he goes out and sits in the downpour, letting the droplets stream down his face. Thunder rumbles, far off.

              This is his punishment.

 

              He doesn’t know how long he’s out there, minutes or hours, but it feels like an eternity.

              An eternity shattered by a single voice.

_ Hey. _

              Tetsurou blinks, shocked.  _ What do you want? _

              The figure goes and sits down next to him, silver-and-black hair a dripping mess from the water, and Tetsurou inches to the other side.  _ I came to tell you I’m sorry for yelling at you yesterday. _

_               S’okay _ , he grunts.  _ Is that it? _

_               Wait.  _ Koutarou sighs.  _ Look, can we talk? _

_               No. _

_ Tetsurou,  _ please.

              It’s the full first name that gets him. Tetsurou groans, giving up.  _ I guess. _

_               What happened, man? What happened to us? _

_               Growing up, I guess. We grew up and we grew apart. _

_               Don’t be an asshole about it. We both know that that isn’t what happened. You shut me out one day, for no reason.  _ He doesn’t know how to respond, and Koutarou simply looks at him.

_ Is it because of Akaashi? _

              Tetsurou doesn’t immediately register the name, but then he does.

_               Wait, did something happen between you two? _

__ The other boy sighs.  _ We broke up. _

_               Why? _ Tetsurou is genuinely curious. They were doing so well.

_ It’s not his fault. He did it for me, and I’m grateful about it. _

_               What do you mean? _

__ Koutarou blows out a breath, slowly.  _ Because he knows that I love someone else. _

 

__ The rain is the only sound they hear for a while.

 

              Then Tetsurou decides to break the silence.

_ Who do you love? _

_               Tetsu… _

_               … Forgive me. _

__ And suddenly he’s surging towards him, little drops of water on his face, whether they’re tears or rain Tetsurou doesn’t know, eyes illuminated gold in the pale light _ — _

__ And he’s alive, alive,  _ alive. _

__ Then they’re kissing and it’s, somehow, both nothing and everything like what he imagined it would be.

 

              Tetsurou thinks he loves the rain.

 

              And when they break apart, Tetsurou’s mind is running a thousand places at once, too fast to even glimpse them, because  _ he doesn’t understand how he can be so lucky. _

_               You… in love… me... I... what? _ He can’t even speak in full sentences because  _ how— _

_               Yes. I do. You idiot, it's everything about you; that's been there for like forever and I love it all. Your smile, your laugh, your goddamn block. Your fuckin’ stupid hair. The way we were just so complete together, best friends, and I think that I want to be something more. So like, I dunno, go out with me? _

_               Of fucking course. _

_               I— what? _

__ Tetsurou smirks.  _ For the record, your hair is stupider than mine. _

_               Shut up, boyfriend.  _ Koutarou leans forward again, and Tetsurou does.

              Because Kuroo Tetsurou isn’t a good person, is he? But he knows that Koutarou doesn’t care, and will love him anyway.

 

              It gets late, and Koutarou, regretfully, has to go, or his team will be worrying about him.  _ See ya tomorrow, Tetsu! _

              Tetsurou flashes back to a much younger Koutarou, almost the same words— hell, the same weather, too— and marvels at just how long they’ve been friends.

              Now they’re  _ more.  _ He grins.

_               Hello, Kuroo-san, _ comes a polite voice behind him. Tetsurou whirls around to see Akaashi, who has a serious expression on his face.

_ Hey. _ He’s wary of what the other boy has to say.

              But he doesn’t say much.  _ Just— take care of him, OK?  _ With a start, Tetsurou realizes that Akaashi Keiji still loves Koutarou.

              And that he loves him enough to let Tetsurou have him.

              He gulps.

 

_ I will. _


	11. Epilogue

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> —and the race comes to an end—

    xi.

               _60 years later._

 

Tetsurou sits on the chair across from the bed, watching as the waves of orange light roll through the hospital window. They illuminate Koutarou’s hair, making it glow gold, almost as bright as his eyes, but not quite as lively or real. In the daytime, it’s silver, not the dye he has used for so much of his life, but the soft gray of an old man.

               They both are, now, 78 years alive on this earth. And those years seem to be coming to an end now.

               Koutarou sleeps peacefully, the quiet of the room disturbed only by his gentle snores and the mechanical _beep, beep_ that is his heartbeat on the monitor screen. Tetsurou is fascinated by it, how the very life force of his husband is reduced to a continuous green line on a machine. Despite everything, the turn of time, life is not so different as he remembers from his childhood.

               That seems so long ago, now, but he still remembers it. Bits and pieces come to the surface, now and then, his life reflected behind his eyes in split seconds of reminiscence. Everything over so many years, like lost books in a library, left on shelves until the time comes that they are found again.

               Light changes too, and in the past minutes, the fiery hue glaring through from outside has faded into a softer red as the sun sinks further into the horizon.

               What’s funny, Tetsurou muses, is how little yet how much the city around them has grown. Tokyo buzzes with life still, all times day or night, like some great beast that cannot be put to slumber. It reminds him of how Koutarou was, in the glory of their youth.

                And he looks over at the frail body on the bed, so many different versions of him ghosting into Tetsurou’s sight instead. A young man, loud and full of laughter and of life just waiting to be filled in, with a presence nothing less than remarkable; a strong man in his twenties, at the height of an amazing volleyball career, and a world just waiting to be met in his eyes; a new father in his thirties unsure of himself, but full of love for his daughters; an old man and grandfather, but having never lost his inner child.

                Though it’s 78-year-old Bokuto Koutarou, dying of his old age, what Tetsurou can see the clearest is a little boy, ten years old, with a pure smile of wonder and the stars in his gaze, not yet corrupted by the world or himself, Koutarou as Tetsurou first met him.

                Outside, the sun has set and the sky glows softly with a few pinpricks of light. They are just passing airplanes; Tokyo has long since grown used to its pollution. Nevertheless, Tetsurou likes to imagine them as stars.

                 The forecast predicts rain at around now, and it’s only about half an hour before the _pitter-patter_ of tiny droplets hits the city around them. It’s still full of noise, cars honking, advertisements blaring, music playing loudly from unknown speakers. It takes a lot more than a rainstorm to deter them.

                 Koutarou sneezes in his sleep, and Tetsurou remembers what the doctors had said. _It’s not likely that he’ll live past the night. You should stay with him._

It’s the weather that hits him hardest. Because for them, everything had started with the rain, and now—

                 It all ends with it too.

 

                 The monitor flatlines about an hour into the storm. _That’s it,_ Tetsurou thinks numbly. _He’s dead._ He can’t even move, can’t even cry somehow, because, why? What does he need to live for now?

                 They were always so competitive, the two of them. Each time something happened, they would hang on, because life was always going to be a race, and neither of them wanted to lose. Koutarou fought his pneumonia, Tetsurou survived a car crash, Koutarou lived through a heart attack, Tetsurou beat cancer. All so they could get this, the prize of living to be old. How ironic, that it was the prize that killed them both.

                  Because, of course, Tetsurou only raced to beat him; but there really was no pleasure in his victory, only—

                  Nothingness.

                  For once you lose your everything, what is there even left?

                  Tetsurou’s old. He’s lived a long, happy, fulfilled life. He has no regrets, only pride: for everything he’s accomplished, for everything he’s seen, for everything he’s been. For everything he’s loved.

                  Izumi, asleep in the waiting room outside, will be crushed. Their other daughter, Seiko, will be too. To lose not only one father, but two, in one night— he doesn’t know what it will do to them. To their own families, his beloved grandchildren, to call on Christmas and New Year’s, only to remember there is no one to pick up. To the little baby that is his and Koutarou’s great-grandson, who will never grow up with memories of them. It will hurt, of course, but over time, the pain will fade.

                  But they will understand why he’s made this decision.

                  And Tetsurou isn’t afraid. For so long, he lived in fear of death, of a void where he simply ceases to exist. He was always scared of it, how it had chased down so many of his friends, picking them off one by one, like a hidden predator that fed on those he loved.

                  He’ll see them again, now, everyone he’s lost over time. Nekomata, Yaku, Kai, Sawamura, Kenma, Akaashi, Fukunaga, Lev. His parents, his childhood, the world before he grew up. The world while he grew up. The world that is gone now, in some ways, but lives on in itself, infinite. Most of all, Koutarou. And he missed them. So in a way, he thinks, it’s really just like boarding a plane, off into some foreign land he knows nothing about, but can’t wait to arrive at and to see all those familiar faces to welcome him.

                  So as the sun rises again, Tetsurou smiles. He’s curious, of course, and maybe a little apprehensive too, but most of all, he’s tired. So he thinks, maybe it’s just like going to sleep. But not waking up again, and to just live in his dreams with the people he loves, forever. He takes a quiet breath, no different from the ones he’s breathed all his life, except that this one is his last.

                  And he lets go. Behind his closed eyes, he sees him, Koutarou in all his forms all at once, somehow little boy and teenager and young man and old at the same time; welcoming him with outstretched arms and the beautiful smile Tetsurou feel in love with.

                  _Let’s go on a new adventure,_ he says.

                   _OK,_ Tetsurou whispers back, and steps into his embrace.

 

                  And in the morning of a new day, their daughters rush to hospital— _no, this news can’t be true_ — to see them gone, their souls departed to the whatever is it that comes next.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> i didn't know how to continue this story so whoops
> 
>  
> 
> (ノ◕◡◕)ノ・ﾟ✧* you aren't dead inside (ノ◕◡◕)ノ・ﾟ✧* (ノ◕◡◕)ノ・ﾟ✧* i am


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